Top 5 Favorite Funny TV Characters

When I was at home for lunch today, I saw a little bit of a program on Bravo counting down the All-Time Best TV Characters. Now, I personally like my all-time lists a little more narrowed down than that - comedy and drama should be separate (plus, as is usual with things like this, their rankings were ridiculous - Dr. Johnny Fever at #68???? Come on!). So, I figured that it would be a good companion to my Top 5 TV Comedy post to do a list of the Top 5 TV Comedy Characters. And away we go...

1.) Homer J. Simpson

Unfortunately, in the last few seasons, Homer has been portrayed as JUST an idiot - he does a lot of stupid things that even HE can't possible think would work. That isn't nearly as funny as the way he used to be. Sure he has always been an idiot, but most of the ridiculous things that he did were, at least in his mind, well reasoned and sure to work (one of my favorite additions to Homer's character over the years was when they had him start wearing the reading glasses, usually when he was researching some crazy scheme). You could sympathize with him at the same time as laughing at him - he sincerely thought capers like concocting your own liquor in the basement was a good idea. Plus, he has had some of the all time greatest quotable lines:

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No. Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal. Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

And there is of course this...

2.) GOB Bluth

The magic. The Segway. The racially charged puppet act. What isn't there to love about GOB on Arrested Development? I think that I love about GOB the most though is the fact that he doesn't see any of his bad habits in himself - like the unreliability and the sneakiness - but he instead sees them in his brother Michael and GOB is constantly out to get him - Michael: "Well, you've already got her hating me, or at least your version of me. Which is you." It is really GOB, and not Buster, who is the most pathetic member of a truly pathetic family - no one in the family really cares for him other than Michael (and even that is debatable some times) and all he really wants is to be loved and included in the family responsibilities (unless those responsibilities get too hard, then all he really wants is the title, the office, and the paycheck).

Quotes:

Gob: [to Michael] Tell you what. You may not be good with women, but you are great with other people's women. I'll give you that.

Michael: Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.
Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
Narrator: But he really didn't.
Gob: Yes, I did.

Gob: I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like so far it's been all chain and no ball.

Sitwell: The only thing I ask is, out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.
Gob: That’s great. So the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we’re saying?

Gob: The cow is coming after me.
Michael: Your wife? She was super-thin.
Gob: She was? What about her cans? She have big cans?
Michael: You don't remember her at all, do you?
Gob: Hey, it was one night of wild passion!
Michael: And yet you didn't notice her body?
Gob: I like to look in the mirror.

3.) Dwight K. Schrute

In what seems to be a running theme with my favorite characters, most of the laughs regarding Dwight on The Office stem from the juxtaposition between what Dwight thinks is reality and actual reality (or at least what passes for reality in the world of The Office). Dwight is constantly confronted with the behavior of others that are incompatible to the mostly emotionless, do it yourself, law of the jungle, Quaker/amish/nazi upbringing, bizzarro world that Dwight inhabits (in his own mind). Conversely, his co-workers (and especially Michael Scott) are confronted with Dwight's solutions to the problems that pop up every week that, while they seem perfectly rational to Dwight, usually cause either disgust or utter astonishment. Those are some of my favorite Office moments.

Quotes:

Dwight: OK, first let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
Michael: Uh, none. You're picking a healthcare plan.

Dwight: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

Dwight: When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

Dwight: [bringing in a dead goose] I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!
Toby: C'mon, Dwight, we talked about this: no dead animals in the office.

4.) Dr. Perry Cox

On Scrubs, Dr. Cox thinks he is the brightest, most talented and most hilarious doctor in the entire hospital. He thinks everyone is beneath him and he lets it be known. The best moments of Scrubs usually fall into one of two categories: 1.) Dr. Cox flaunts his superiority over someone by either a long winded berating or a carefully orchestrated trick that makes his victim think that they were actually right; or 2.) Dr. Cox either intentionally or accidentally lets another character see a crack in his armor - he really does care about the people he works with and the patients he treats. His problem is that he cares too much and he refuses to let it show most of the time. Scrubs has always been a great mix of silly comedy and depressing character moments (that make the comedic parts stand out that much more) and Dr. Cox is the best representation of that formula.

Quotes:

Dr. Cox: Hey, newbie. You know what your problem is?
J.D.: My bones hurt?
Dr. Cox: You were gonna, what, rescue me from loneliness with a three-dollar six-pack of light beer? It turns out, you can't save people from themselves, newbie. We just treat 'em. You treat that kid with a respiratory problem, and when he comes back with cancer, go ahead and treat that, too.
J.D.: [sarcastic] Well, thanks for the pick-me-up!
Dr. Cox: Hey! Smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatties, whatever. All I'm saying is that if you keep living and dying on whether or not a person changes, well... you're not gonna make it as a doctor, that's all. Now... come here and gimme a hug. [J.D. hesitates to move.] It's okay. Come here, come here. [J.D. approaches him.] Aw, get outta here! And take this piss-water with you. [He shoves the six-pack into J.D.'s hands.] It's embarrassing to have it here.
Cox's Buddy: I'll drink it!
Dr. Cox: Eh! [taking the beer back] I'll take the beer. You beat it.

J.D.: Your ex-wife. She's the answer.
Dr. Cox: Uhhh... Things that ruined my life. Things that took half my money. Things with sharp edges!

Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact, the wall on which you're leaning against. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I-I-I know, here it's a conundrum, but don't you worry about it. I'll tackle that one right upstairs [points to his head]. In the meantime, you could at least pretend to be doing some work. And right about now, even though you don't have your basket, oh it's just a terrific time for you to skip away, Shirley.

Dr. Cox: Fine. Let me just tell you how it ends. Dr. Phil says, "And how is that working out... for you?" And then the big fat lady cries, waah. Alright. I'm sure you're wondering why I accepted the position of Residency Director considering my disdain for, well... all of you. Is it the extra four dollars a week in my paycheck? Or is it the fact that I finally have a chance to make a difference in this god forsaken hellhole?
[Elliot looks pleased and impressed]
Dr. Cox: It's all about the four dollars, trust me.

5.) Bill McNeal

NewsRadio was one of my favorite shows in the '90s and I do not think it gets the proper recognition for how funny it was. This mostly due to its short run - it only lasted a few seasons because it went down hill after the sad death of Phil Hartman, who played Bill. Bill McNeil was a character that showcased all of the best and funniest character traits that Hartman excelled at during his time on Saturday Night Live - Bill could zip through smarminess, a false sense of superiority and an overblown sense of indignation, usually all within the same scene. His funniest bits, however usually involved the various tricks and put-downs he inflicted on the office geek, Matthew (who was played by lunatic Andy Dick, who used to be capable of fine comedy instead of just having the ability to make you want to claw out your eyes and rip off your ears whenever he appears on your screen). My favorite episode of NewsRadio involving Bill was "The Cane" (which you can find on Hulu) - Bill buys a cane in an effort to show off how much better he is than everyone and of course manages to annoy the hell out of people with it. The closing scene where Bill goes through a litany of canes to show that he will never give it up is a classic.

Quotes

Dave: Why? Because I'm the boss Bill, that's why! That's why Bill. And I will not be manipulated, I will not be contradicted, and I will not be intimidated!
Bill: Well, I didn't realize you were a man of such strong conviction. Of such deeply felt moral tenacity, of such remarkable centeredness...
Dave: Alright Bill, I'm not going to be sucked-up to either.
Bill: Well, you've eliminated all my options. All that's left is backstabbing.

[Matthew is worried he's going to get "The Shaft" - a bonus of zero dollars.]
Bill: Say Joe, who's the black private dick that's a sex machine for all the chicks?
Joe: Bill, I think that would be Shaft.
[Matthew notices and looks up]
Bill: And who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about?
Joe: Again Bill, we're talkin' 'bout Shaft.
Bill: Damn right.
Joe: You know, they say that cat Shaft is one bad mother-
Matthew: Shut up you guys!
Mr. James: [entering] Hey what's goin' on?
Bill: We're just talking about Shaft.
Mr. James: I can dig it.

Bill: Do you have a special lady in your life?
Dave: No.
Bill: I'm sorry, that was presumptuous of me. Do you have a special person in your life?

[Beth shows Bill a nude photo of herself, disguised with a paper bag so he won't recognize her]
Beth: Bill, what do you think of this photo?
Bill: Who is that?
Beth: Oh, it's a friend of mine doing a thesis at NYU, it's a fine arts program.
Bill: Uh-huh. Well it's an interesting commentary on the objectification of the female form and of course the masks women are forced to wear in our society. If I were the NEA I'd give her five or six grand.
Beth: Well Bill do you think it's sexy?
Bill: Well I don't really think that's germane to a discussion of the statement the artist is trying to make.
Beth: Thank you Bill.
[Bill walks over to Matthew]
Bill: Beth's showing nudie photos of herself with a paper bag over her head. Check it out.

[Bill sets up a cubicle around his desk]
Dave: Have you thought about how this will make you co-workers feel?
Bill: Actually, one of the great things about the cubicle is not having to think about my co-workers at all.